No self portrait yesterday for #febphotoaday because it was a bad hair day and I got so wrapped up in doing something that made me happy… redesigning my blog :).
It.got.the.works. I couldn’t stop myself.
I’m also importing old posts (I feel like there are missing pieces to the puzzle and I can’t function as a blogger if I don’t import them) so the categories will be all over the place until I delete all of the unnecessary ones. I rewrote my about page too. I’ve been avoiding it for the longest.
On another note… this article confirms I have OCD. I don’t think I do the things that I do so much to offset an internal battle. I admit, I do feel unordered inside (which I’m working on), but I just need visual stimulants (pretty much things that would look good on camera) or else I get really moody. I recently glued Jayden’s train tracks to his train table because they made the living room like like a pigsty and I was tired of picking them up. Yea. Mean mommy. Sometimes I feel like if I rearrange or change something, the freshness will make me appear to be brand new… or who I want to be but haven’t quite gotten there yet.
“People with OCD are often obsessed with order. Order means stability to a person with obsessive-compulsive disorder, something they’re lacking on the inside. They’re usually meticulous and precise in how they approach a task, such as cleaning or rearranging, and are consummate perfectionists. This means they’re seldom satisfied with how they carry out a task, so they keep redoing or rearranging it in the hope of getting it “right”. In actuality, their constant preoccupation with order, symmetry and cleanliness hides a deeper anxiety and inner turmoil, and their repetitive actions help to direct their mind away from their fears and insecurities.
People with OCD are also obsessed with symmetry. They may spend hours changing the position of the furniture to make things completely stable and symmetrical. This is usually an anxiety-reducing behavior that helps them avoid dealing with their own feelings of instability and anxiety. Because people with obsessive-compulsive disorder are never convinced that things are symmetrical or perfect, they rearrange furniture – over and over again – much like the repetitive handwashing behavior that’s so common among OCD sufferers.”
